When I can’t think straight
When I lose my strength to create I find myself in an endless loop in which I can’t think straight. Sometimes it can even lead to physical pain that threatens to get the best of me.
I am mentally very active, and occasionally if I don’t find a way to stop it, it becomes something very hard to deal with. At the beginning of the summer I had reached this point.
We all have our limits and I had reached mine. I decided that it was time for me to start over; I couldn’t give in to anxiety.
Feeling burden-free is something that helps me move on and feel free. Enjoying my sexuality is extremely important for me, because I discover new things about myself that help me grow as a person.
I decided to leave the city
I needed to feel close to nature, find myself and my strength again. I went to the beach, but the first few days were very hard for me. I got my period and I was in so much pain.
I didn’t have enough energy to move.
I also knew that not being able to think straight was making the pain so much worse. I could have stayed at home, but I decided to go swimming in the sea every day.
It calmed me down and it helped me realise what was clouding my mind. I remember how the first day my body was swollen and tight.
My own body was asking me to get rid of my clothes and allow it to breathe. However, I was incapable of doing it because I was afraid to show myself in front of all those other people wearing swimming suits.
Then something happened…
I saw a topless girl and something happened inside me. I realised that my fears were taking away my freedom. Up until then I had always worked my nudity in private settings and through a lens, either photography or video.
However, I realised that I also needed to do it in my own private and personal life. That girl had inspired me to take the first step. By taking my bra off I lifted a massive weight off.
I decided to challenge myself:
I decided to work my nudity a bit more every day, removing layer after layer. For me it was a game and I wasn’t hurting anybody.
Every day I dared to do something new and completely different.
I worked my nudity in the city as well as the beach. Sometimes, I even shared it on social networks.
The first day I got completely naked on the beach I had to do it in a hidden area, away from prying eyes as it was not a nudist beach (some people did see me, though).
There, I had a photo shoot and I connected with the environment and everything around me.
The following day, by chance and without planning it, I ended up going to a nudist beach. There, I finally felt absolutely free. I felt nature giving me all its love.
Up until today I have kept trying to find myself, freeing myself and recharging my energy through my sexuality: my healing source.
If other people impose what you have to like, with what you have to feel pleasure and what you have to fantasize about, you can never connect well with your essence.
Because the imposition leads us to the exigency and the demand to pain.